You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
