The maid of honor just puked.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
