So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And then he peed in my hair
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