We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
