It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
