I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
