is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize