My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize