yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize