she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
