I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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