i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize