Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
