I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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