i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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