maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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