I'm really into asian looking animals
too bad you live with your parents still
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
