when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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