i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's rum buckets o'clock
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
