Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
