And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
