I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
