All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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