so explain again why im purple
no
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
