How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
