its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
