dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How external is "for external use only"?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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