Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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