I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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