My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
