they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sext me about skeletons
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
