If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
