You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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