i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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