Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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