I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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