so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
