I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
