My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
