Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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