What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
false alarm, still single
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
