and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
