i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
