Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
