Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
