I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
