Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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