i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
