we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
