i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
