When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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