Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
