Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
