apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
