I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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