Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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