i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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