The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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