I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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