and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
