Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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