so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We left the knife in your bed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
