Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize