Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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