Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
