You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
