I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
