Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
