I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
