You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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