i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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