I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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