Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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