you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
